Have your friends, family, enemies, and/or superiors told you for years that you are a “sick motherfucker”? Well they can’t all be wrong, you probably are one. Why deny your sick motherfuckerness when you can embrace it? Proudly display the fact that you are recognized by the Society Of Sick Fucks as an “S.M.F.” (as if anyone who’s ever met you didn’t already know this!). Order your “Sick Motherfucker” certificate today. What’s a “PMP”, “JD”, “MBA”, or “PhD” going to matter when the zombies come? Everyone will be looking for the nearest “SMF” to take care of business when the world ends. We’ll need someone to yell “suck a shit-encrusted dick” at the purple haired he/she hordes of questionable gender from the rampart walls! Your ability to cause damage with your mere words will make you a hero. This isn’t some kind of cheap gag from Spencer Gifts for a buck fifty that you fill in with a sharpie. This is some quality shit. It looks real because it is; 8 ½ by 14” high quality American made certificate paper, stamped gold seal, hand signed. (One certificate)

Sick Motherfuckers generally have friends that are also Sick Motherfuckers. Hook up your best friend when you get yours; don’t be a selfish buddy-fucker! (Two certificates)

Maybe you’re lucky enough to have two good Sick Motherfuckers as friends. Well, don’t Blue Falcon both of them – hook them up! (Three certificates)

Show your Sick Fuckness on our patch. Just don't wear it on your sleeve, or your feelings. (One patch)

Show your Sick Fuckness on our patch. Just don't wear it on your sleeve, or your feelings. (Four patches)

Let your smoking buddies know you're "The Man" with a cigar cutter that goes both ways; straight cut or V-notch! (One cutter)

Let your smoking buddies know you're "The Man" with a cigar cutter that goes both ways; straight cut or V-notch! (Three cutters)

Help stop the pussification of America with your own Dear Sarge patch. (One patch)

Help stop the pussification of America with your own Dear Sarge patch. (Four patches)